A Source Of Discord
There is a common thread to most of the personal and global challenges that we face as individuals and as a society. A lack of empathy.
Why is something so simple so difficult to see? Because seeing it requires achieving exit velocity from our default settings. These settings regulate our response to external stimuli. With defaults in the driver's seat, it’s difficult to appreciate alternate perspectives. Think of a political argument with both sides either broadcasting or reloading, when unbiased curiosity and intentional listening is more powerful. Instead, they listen just enough to pull the perfect amount of argument ammo that delivers the kill shot. Productive discourse is not a zero sum game. It is the mechanism that unlocks understanding.
The world tells us that being empathetic is a weakness, when it's actually a superpower. Being empathetic requires a little vulnerability, but it can be scary to be vulnerable.
When I first started teaching WTKY, I noticed that the magic is rooted in a small activation of vulnerability. Not where you feel unsafe, but where you feel inspired by a collective embracing of this vulnerability. Everyone is holding space to journal each day and demonstrating their commitment through accountability measures. After a week of journaling together, their pages start to become objects that come together like puzzle pieces. By intentionally building trust along the way, it becomes easier to share any outputs that attempt to connect those objects. When reading the outputs, everyone starts to see they aren’t alone in their ideas and experiences. The weekly mastermind session offers a sense-making forum to explore those objects and outputs. It’s really powerful to witness when it comes together.
WTKY is a process to cultivate empathy.
There are billion dollar industries that help us achieve our fitness goals, but none of them focus on improving your ability to be empathetic. If lack of empathy is a root cause of discord, couldn’t something like this make a major impact? If baseball players have swing coaches, calculus students have tutors, and network designers have certifications, why not focus on something even more fundamental to our humanity?
During my 82-week experiment that led to creating WTKY, I noticed my ability to quiet my defaults, embrace vulnerability and activate empathy was materializing. One of the best applications of this improved capability was how I interacted with my kids. It was the main reason that I now prioritize being the first to go back when I am wrong. While it still doesn’t register as preferred behavior for my default settings, it sure feels good when I do. In a case when I have overreacted, after getting some space to consider it, I go back and apologize and share how I could have approached the situation more productively.
This is a real world example of the benefits of cultivating empathy.
Sure, there are other ways to do it, but WTKY is an approachable means to build the empathy muscle. Even if you don’t explore WTKY, try holding space to write by hand for a few minutes everyday. It will change the way you look at the world.
Be vulnerable and courageous.
CHALLENGE: Write about the last time you wished you’d gone back and reconciled a bad reaction to a situation.
Prefer listening to these ideas and insights? Check out The 52Musings Podcast.
